Managing Conflict

Our Greatest Battle

When we think about managing and resolving conflict, we need to understand that we can’t always effectively reason with or control others. We must understand that people often manipulate and take advantage of each other, so it is important to learn about setting personal boundaries, as well as being wise as serpents and harmless as doves (Matthew 10:16). Every conflict is different, and our various responses must be pleasing to the Lord.

Ultimately, we can only control ourselves while binding any demons that may be influencing people we may be in conflict with. So, don’t forget about the battlefield involving your thoughts that are going on in your mind before, during, and after the conflict.

All believers in Messiah (Christ) have the authority to bind demons through a simple prayer – In the name of Yeshua (Jesus), I bind any demons that may be present in and around (name of person). I forbid them to influence (name of person) as we attempt to resolve our differences (Matthew 16:19). This command/prayer should be spoken nearby but not so loudly that the person can hear you as that can add to the problem being dealt with. Demons have great hearing, and they must comply.

2 Corinthians 10:4-6 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. ⁵ We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, ⁶ being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.

In order to make our thoughts obedient to Messiah – as well as our behavior – we must become very familiar with the Word of Elohim (God). It does not matter if the other person involved in a conflict with us is a Christian or not. Each person is responsible for their own actual thoughts and responses during and after the conflict.

 

If Another Christian Sins Against You

Matthew 18:15-20 If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. ¹⁶ But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. ¹⁸ Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind (forbid) on earth shall be bound (forbidden) in heaven, and whatever you loose (permit) on earth shall be loosed (permitted) in heaven. ¹⁹ Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. ²⁰ For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.

Originally, the Sanhedrin was the judicial body of the Jews that forbid and permitted things. This responsibility was transferred to the churches. It was preferable to handle judicial issues in the church instead of Gentile courts. Be aware that not all churches practice church discipline today.

 

You Will Be Disciplined (Tortured) Until You Forgive

Matthews 18:21-35 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” ²² Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times (Some Bible versions say seventy times seven). ²³ “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴ When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. ²⁵ And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. ²⁶ So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ ²⁷ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. ²⁸ But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ ²⁹ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ ³⁰ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. ³¹ When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. ³² Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. ³³ And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ ³⁴ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers (βασανιστής = torturers, tormentors), until he should pay all his debt. ³⁵ So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.

Unforgiveness, like sins of the flesh, gives license to the enemy. Elohim’s discipline can take a variety of possible forms: allowing the enemy to attack you in a variety of ways because of the license you gave him; demonic attacks such as intense/unreasonable fear and anxiety; physical health problems; financial problems; relationship issues; and mental or emotional problems such as bitterness and depression; etc.

Luke 17:3-4 Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, ⁴ and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.

Hebrews 12:15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;

Avoid the slide or downward spiral of unforgiveness:

Unforgiveness  >  Anger  >  Bitterness  >  Slander  >  Resentment  >  Hatred  >  Vengeance

 

Elohim is Concerned About How You Interact and Respond to Others

James 1:19-27 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; ²⁰ for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. ²¹ Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. ²² But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. ²³ For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. ²⁴ For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. ²⁵ But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. ²⁶ If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. ²⁷ Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. ³² Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Proverbs 15:1-2 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. ² The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.

Ephesians 4:26-27 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, ²⁷ and give no opportunity to the devil.

Proverbs 6:16-19 There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: ¹⁷ haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, ¹⁸ a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, ¹⁹ a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.

Romans 12:17-21 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸ If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ¹⁹ Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” ²⁰ To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” ²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

 

Love and Blessing are Key Responses

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Peter 3:8-12 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. ⁹ Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. ¹⁰ For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; ¹¹ let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. ¹² For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

Matthew 5:38-48 You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ ³⁹ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. ⁴⁰ And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. ⁴¹ And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. ⁴² Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. ⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. ⁴⁶ For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? ⁴⁸ You therefore must be perfect (blameless; unspotted from the world), as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Philippians 2:4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Colossians 3:12-17 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, ¹³ bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ¹⁴ And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵ And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Leviticus 19:18 You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

John 13:35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

Remember, there will always be times when we must explain our thoughts, feelings, and expectations with others, but we must do it in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.

 

Be at Peace with Others

Matthew 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Proverbs 16:7 When a man’s ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.

 

Know When to Sever Ties

Titus 3:10-11 As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, ¹¹ knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

 

Can You Remember…?

Can you remember some of the first serious conflicts you ever had with someone?

How did it hurt you? What emotions did you feel? How did you react to those involved?

Do you experience the same emotions and have the same reactions when you experience conflict today? If so, it may be related to the original conflict when you began to respond that way.

Pray and ask the Lord to forgive you for the way you have responded to others in the conflicts of your past. Ask the Lord to come into your memories and heal the hurt of those past conflicts. Then, ask Him to help you manage future conflicts better.